So I figure I should update this thing.

We had an amazing extended weekend. More like a week. From the night of Thursday the 17th to yesterday when I left. Leaving was so freaking hard. It was like I was leaving a piece of me. But I know that we will see each other either this weekend in NC or next in Atlanta, and then back here to meet my other mom. Then I guess the night of the 25th Ryan and I will go back for the week leading up to January.

I got to meet some of his closest friends, and their families. His closest welcomed me as if I was part of them already with hugs and kisses on the check upon meeting. I did not talk to his brother to much, but his SIL is pretty awesome.

I was so nervous when we left for SC on turkey day. Not that I was meeting his friends or his brother and family, but that I was meeting his mom. I am a mom, and I know how I would scrutinize every woman that Ryan would bring home, how I would pick them apart to make sure that she was worth my son. By morning, even though my nerves had not settled, I realized I could just be me. Which was a huge good thing, because even though I was still worried I would say something wrong, or do something wrong...it took a lot of the nervous energy away.

Me and his mom ended up spending some time together, which was good. And I learned something. Never argue with your future mother in law. LOL...well that is what she said when I tried to pay for dinner, to never argue with your mother in law.

I am really glad that everyone seemed to like me. I know that sometimes how family and friends think can influence what happens, and it was something I was worried about. I know I should not have been, but I am such a logical, cynical person that I try to think of everything...good and bad.

So....tomorrow or early the next morning I head back out to NC for the birth of my godson. I cannot wait to see his precious little face, and feel his tiny fingers in my hand.

After that, I come home for a week and then head back down to GA to bring him here. Which will be interesting seeing as he will meet my drunk mom. I call her that, because I have never seen her sober. Ever. We learned at young ages to never take a drink out of her soda. She is a functioning alcoholic. Always has been. But she has also been supportive of me since her and dad got divorced, not so much before, but after she changed.

All in all, everything is going way better than I ever expected. His family seems to like me, my family is accepting, friends like both of us...and the love we have, when we are together cannot be denied. He had a meeting while I was down there, and I went with him, and even the lawyer said that he could see the love. Our friendship stays strong, or love continues to grow, and we are just biding time till we can be together without states between us.

Hope everyone had a great Holiday.
*smooch*

Oh yeah...due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, we will not be attending the reception as we were planning to do. Hope everyone has a great time!!!!

My Men:



So, another small update with pictures. My dad likes Steve. So much that tomorrow, while I am in school, they and Ryan will be hanging out. Doing some work, and other stuff.

This morning my dad called to congratulate me, and he told me that he has started to call his brothers to tell them that I am engaged. Leaving out no details. I never ever expected my dad to be accepting. I knew if he met Steve he would like him, but honestly I never thought it would get to that. I cannot explain the joy that I have in me knowing that not only is my dad accepting it now; he is welcoming him into our family. It means so much to me, and I know that it has crossed bridges that my dad and me needed to cross a long time ago.

Yesterday we went and had dinner with my two closest WV friends. They loved him. LOVED him. We had a great time, and of course we have pictures. Here are some from yesterday and a few from the night before.

Later, if I can get him too, I will have him take one of himself today. He has these jeans and sweater on that we picked out yesterday, and OMG. They fit so well. The sweater looks great on him, and the jeans, well all I can say is WOW.


*Smooches* Thank you so much for all of your support. It means so much.

Just real quick before I take a bath...

My dad called at 8am today and said to be at his house between 6 and 6:15.

We went, Steve asked my dad and Ryan for their permission and blessing to marry me.

Both said yes.

My dad totally surprised me. They met, and we are both still alive....lol

More later...and there is more.

*smooch*

Starts now. In about six hours he will be here...and I already have butterflies in my belly. It is always like this, I get so excited and nervous, and then when I see him, I just feel warmth.

I have never been much of a girly girl, but...I see that changing a little. Whenever I know he is on his way, I do all the extra things that I normally do not do. Get all prettied up, and the funny thing is...I like it.

So, my dad came over and spent about two hours just chatting. In his own way he is accepting this. He had a lot of questions, and concerns that I guess all dads have when their daughter is getting married. He doesn't want me to sell my house, but I want to. His main concern is that I will end up without a place to live if something happens. I could not express to him how that would never happen. That he would never put me in a position like that.

My dad called my brother, who is the last to know pretty much, and he is happy too. All in all it is working out, much better than I ever expected.

6 hours....oh my

If everything goes as planned...about 33 more hours till I hug my baby.

Top Ten Reasons
Why I love him so

10. His laughter makes me warm and glowy inside.
9. His giving sprit. He gives so much of himself to those around him, with out ever asking or expecting it in return.
8. The love that he has inside for two little boys that have became his in his heart.
7. He was going to give up something he loves, for me. Just to know that I am safe, and so he doesn't have to worry.
6. He understands my curiosity, and constantly deals with my questioning nature. Even when it drives him crazy.
5. He simply takes my breath away.
4. My son adores him.
3. He knows my insecurities and still loves me. Instead of using them against me, he tries to figure out how he can calm them.
2. He has never asked me to change. He accepts me for me, even when it drives him crazy.
1. He is my best friend.

Well, I guess it is time for an update.

Ryan asked me to take him to see his dad. I told him that he had to choose between going to TN to see his dad and a birthday party. HE choose to see his dad.

Well after many phone calls back and forth, I decided to take him. Chris seemed like he was ready to try to be a dad again. Like he wanted it. I should have known better.

He told me to not worry about bringing a lot of money, and he would buy food and stuff and we could stay there. I was so worried about that, but at the same time, I really wanted to see R happy.

Well, I am not going into details, but lets just say it won’t happen again. And I don’t think R will be asking again either. If it wasn’t for my baby, I don’t know what I would have done. He is just wonderful to me, and a hundred times the person Chris is. He will be a terrific father figure for R.

So after a long drive home at 4 am with no sleep, an injured shoulder, I decided to tell my parents about S.

Let me give you the breakdown of my family. I have one step mom who was there from the ages of 4-11 and another who was there from then on. The first we will call Drunk mom, because that is what I call her. And the other we will call Sue.

I told drunk mom two days after he told/asked me. She is happy and elated and ready. I knew she would be supportive, because of all of our differences, she has always been there.

When I got back from TN, I knew dad was not home, that he was waiting for me in town, so I went in and told Sue. I just told her. That I loved him, and that I was going to marry him and that I was getting ready to tell dad. She begged me not to. But then R came in, he heard me talking, and was like Steveie this Steveie that. So, she told me that she was happy for us. Step one done. See I knew if I told her first that I would have to tell my dad. There was no backing out now.

So I took off down the road on a mission. I was very sleep deprived and my fucking arm and shoulder felt like someone had tried to pull it off like a chicken wing. And I was about to tell my dad something that I knew could ruin the little bit of a relationship we have.

First I tell him all about the weekend. And as he always does he got mad. At Chris. Then, I told him he might need to sit down for the rest of what I had to tell him. He looked at me and said wait till I die. I had not even said anything. I already knew he knew before I went.
See I have this ability, I know when things are happening, or when people are thinking something, or when someone knows something without them ever telling me. I just feel it. Like something inside tells me.

Well I told him I could not wait till he died, because that might be forever, and I could barely wait till July. In all truth, if I was not in school, shit I can go to school there, if it were possible, I would marry him today. There is no way I am waiting past July.

Well then my dad said give me R. I said no, he is mine. My baby. My dad said I love that boy like he was my own. I said I know that, but I am your daughter, and you are supposed to love me and accept me. I told him that I loved S. That he made me happy, and that I knew he would be the type of father that I wanted for R. That R. needed that. Needed a strong positive role model. I told him all about S. That he is a good man. That he is everything that my dad has wanted me to find. And that I loved him and he loved me.

I asked my dad if I had his blessing, and he did not say no. Actually he did not yell, scream, or do anything that is normal for him. I asked him if he would meet S. Because I think that is important. He said Tara, you need to give me time to deal with each thing. Don’t pile it all on me at once. Just give me some time. He said that calmly, in a rational tone. I hugged him and told him I loved him. THAT is big. I have not hugged my dad in years. Then I asked if he would yell later. He said no, but he wanted to think about a few things.

Today, I went to the Dr. to find out what is wrong with my shoulder. I have a Cervical Strain, and all of my shoulder ligaments are pulled or something. All I know is I have some pain pills and muscle relaxers, and today I went to class feeling all loopy. I am not allowed to drive because of added strain for one week, so my daddy came and took me to school and picked me up. We even talked about S. and how happy I am with him, and how I know that this is it. The ONE.

All in all, a very eventful weekend. He told his parents, I told mine. His whole family knows, mine will as soon as my sisters knows. Everyone is happy. Happy for us and with us.

This is it. July 1st.

You are a Social Liberal (75% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (15% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

You are a
Social Liberal (75% permissive)and an...
Economic Liberal (15% permissive)You are best described as a:
SocialistYou exhibit a very well-developed sense of Right and Wrong and believe in economic fairness.

Just rambles...

I am insanely happy, to the point I think I am driving my IRL friends nuts. Oh well...it’s my turn dammit

~~~~~~~~~~~

There is this woman who is like a thorn in my side. I just want her to go away. To stop what she does, because in my eyes she is the epiphany of what a manipulative bitch is. She is ignorant, she is malicious. She is insecure enough with herself that she constantly puts others down or blames them for her problems, and frankly, I would love to just sit down with her and talk, but that is impossible because you cannot talk to these kinds of people. Which leads me on

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to scream at him every time he posts some ridiculous comment. Some hate filled ignorant post. I would call it an opinion but to me it is not even that. He reads garbage and because these things that he sees as people say it, it has to be true. He is a lemming. He follows where they lead. He is what is definitive in America that has to change. I can tolerate stupidity, because really stupid people do not have a choice (see there is that word) but ignorant people, they do, they just ignore what they do not want to hear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am ready to move. I want to go today, tomorrow, yesterday. But I will wait, finish school or get close enough to being done that I can do the rest online from there, but still walk in graduation in May.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next week could not come sooner. I cannot wait to see him, touch him, hold him, and just feel the love that reverberates between us. A whole week, Ack I don’t think I have enough cute clothes for a whole week.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay that is all for an update.

*smooches*

I had almost ten inches cut off of my hair today. I wanted a change, and I like it both ways, but there is just something about having long hair. Maybe I will let it grow as long again...

But here are some pics. I did not have it styled, just cannot see paying that much more when I will be going to bed soon. No makeup, I am tired. But you get the idea...

Normally, my step mom is very conservative. She never discusses politics, and just lets me and my dad rant about whatever we need to, which we do often. One thing I will say about my dad, we have very different views. Very different ideas, but with some good hearty discussion, which by hearty means very heated, yelling shouting, jumping, and name calling, he usually sees the light and changes his mind. But you have to provide facts, you have to show him this is how it impacts you. Most of the time he comes around, there have only been a few times he has not. One is gay rights. However, I am still working on that. But I digress; this is not what I was wanting to blog about...

My step mom. Sue. Is the complete picture of what a grandma should look like. Gray hair, soft belly, soft skin, and an ever-present hug filled with smiles for all her grandbabies. (Syrenboy especially, since she told him he was her favorite.) Most of the time, when I go on a rant about our current admin, she just keeps quiet. Keeps her thoughts to herself, but sometimes, she surprises me. And I see that there is a fire in her, she just fights a different way than I do.

Yesterday, while getting ready for trick or treating, I was going off about Alito. Well Scalito. I was talking about the case with planned parenthood that he dissented on. The one where he felt that a woman should have to tell her husband if she is getting an abortion. She poked her head around the corner and asked me to come talk to her about that. She wanted to know a little more. So I went out and got my backpack, and brought in some info I got while I was at class, and sat down with her.

We talked for a while about that case, and the reasons of why a woman should have the right to tell or not. Honestly, if a marriage was what it should be, wouldn't the husband know? Most women who do not tell their husbands, is because they will get beat again, they will die, or they will get beaten and die. The husband may have raped them. Who knows.

Well, then it happened. The spark that sometimes shines thorough came out.

She said, well no one would think twice about saying that they had to ask their wives if they could get a vasectomy would they? She then went on to say that if a man wanted to get a vasectomy without telling their wife, it may be because they are having an affair, which we as women really should deal with anyway huh.

Then she told me to finish getting ready, and went to her room. I could hear her talking. I guess she went in there and began calling people. Who I have no idea. But all I could hear was have you read about this new guy? He is not for reproductive rights. He says I should tell my husband what I am doing.

On and on it went till we left. I have no idea how long she was on the phone or how many people she called. But when we went back after candy begging, she asked me to bring her more info. She was not done.

Wow. That is all I can say. Never before has she even mentioned that abortion was okay for some. NEVER. I always thought she was the other way.


I am so proud of her.

Scalito sucks. Women are property to him. Our rights do not mean shit. But honestly, should I have expected more from a president who feels that only the majority needs to be represented.

For all those out there at that other place who feel that only the majority needs adequate representation. I have stuck up for you. I have tried to see your point. I have read the info you provide. But this. Is too much. Your president sucks balls. The way the country is going, I will be lucky to have any rights as a bisexual woman come 2008. But that is okay huh, because I am not in the majority. Who cares if our country is not united and balanced, as long as you can shove your egotistical, sorry your poor, deal with it, no you cannot do what you want with your body bullshit down my throat.

Soo without further ado...

Kiss my ass. Eat a dick. Fuck yourself.
You know who you are.