days ago I posted something about me hating Christmas, and you know that was a really rash post.

It is not the holiday that I hate it is all the expectations that come with it.

I have a huge family. HUGE. Just my brother and sisters kids alone spending no more than like ten bucks a piece on them break the bank, then we have all the cousins that live around here, aunts uncles, dad, moms, our own kids...

After I got my mothers card, and read it many times over something in me changed. That night I started on our Christmas tree, and not like in years past. Before, I would just put it up, not even care that the limbs were not straight...this time, I did it right. Two hours plus putting just the tree up...making it all symmetrical and everything. Then the next day we spent hours and hours doing all the lights and beads and decorations. Ryan and I had so much fun, and it looks sooooo pretty. And then I realized something....

I have more to be grateful for this year, than I have in the last three. I am not sick this year...although I did fall ass first down my back stairs today, my son is happy, and he is in our lives.

This year has been so full, so wondrous, and yes we have had our ups and downs, but you know...I would not trade them for anything, because when the day is done, I go to bed with love in my heart and know that there is someone out there who loves me too.

I know I have been super bitchy lately, and there has just been so much going on that is not right...but...I also know that through everything, he is there. As I am for him.

This year, I have been given so much. I have great friends, a wonderful, loving, if not over energetic little boy, my family is healing slowly, my godson was born, and I met him. I have so much to be thankful for, but sometimes it takes looking at what we think is the worst, to realize what it is that we have. This week has done that for me.

Oh yeah...I even went to church...and...kinda liked it.

*smooch*