After he left on Sunday, I knew that we would see each other again. In recent months he has asked when did I know, and while I am not sure of the exact time or whatever, I thinkI knew that Sunday as we were walking around the Tamarack. Watching him with my kid, seeing how they looked, he just fit. Do you know what I mean? When something fits just right? That is what he did in those final hours of our first meeting. While we were still just friends at this point, watching him with Ryan did something to my heart.

Now a little background on me. Since Ryans dad and I had broken up, I did not date that much. I took care of other needs with friends that I knew would never ask for too much, because really Ryans dad did a number on me. The things that happened in that volatile and abusive relationship were things that should happen to no person. There are times when the nightmares still wake me. For four years after I left him and moved back here, all I did was raise my son. I did not do anything else. I did not go out with friends, I did not see anyone, I did not have sex. I was mom. Supermom if you will. I worked 50-60 hour shifts and took care of my son, there simply was not time for anything else. Nor was a quick to make time for anything. Then one day my parents took Ryan away with them for the weekend, and I, had no idea what to do. For three days I got to be me, and I had no idea who that was anymore. That weekend I decided no more supermom. I was going to figure out what I liked, what I needed, because it is awful when you wake up one day and realize you no longer have an identity that really defines you. I began rebuilding past friendships, and making a few new ones, and I began dating again. I honestly can count the number of friends I have on one hand. Friends to me are the people that I trust implicitly. The others that I associate with are acquaintances. Then I have my online persona, which is hugely different, because I am not that scared little girl online. I can talk and chat, and just be myself. The real me. I have always been a pretty confident and strong person, but it took that weekend for me to remember why.

So fast forward to us. Here was this guy whom I mostly knew online, and I could not wait to see him again. While he was here we talked about me coming to Atlanta or meeting in Charlotte and going to Carowinds. It was inevitable that we would see each other again.

About two weeks after he left, we were talking on the phone as usual, but the conversation took a bit of a different turn. We began talking about how we were feeling and how crazy it was that we were liking each other. By the end of June and beginning of July, those feelings had intensified. We were best friends, but there was something more starting to build. I knew he was not looking for a relationship, and frankly neither was I. We had discussed open relationships, and that lead to one late night on the phone with the words I think I want to try this with you. And me agreeing. I mean we lived states apart. We both had the same feelings about sex and love, and really when you are in such a long distance relationship, do you really think the other one is going to be faithful? And I am bi-sexual. I cannot just turn that off, and if I want to be with a woman, I am going to be with one. Now many may not agree with it, but it was what would work for us. We knew we wanted to be together, but we also knew we wanted a level of freedom too. That is not saying we could just fuck whomever we wanted. We often talked about it before one of us did anything, and usually if I was uncomfortable with something he was going to do, he did not do it. I say usually, but you will find that out in the next chapter.

So we began this relationship thing. And I will say right here, that I think we both have grown since those first days. We have both learned, and taught.

There are times when he just takes my breath away. Little things just sweep me off of my feet. We were planning the trip to Carowinds, and one night when he called we talked late into the night again. That night was the night that I think I completely feel in love with him.

We had talked during the day about the fact that we were starting to feel more for each other. Actually we would say blank instead of love. Then there was the night that he just swept me off of my feet. As we talked, he began talking about music, about songs that he liked, then he began to sing. He serenaded me into the early morning hours. Some songs I had never heard before and other I was familiar with. I think that night was the night that I first said it aloud. I was wrapped in the sounds of his rich, warm voice. Everything in me just was melting into my bed as I listened. And as I was falling asleep right before we hung up I said it. I told him that I was falling in love with him. He said he felt the same too. That night, I slept better than I have in years. I was cuddled all night by the sound of his voice.

The next day though I woke up panicked. I could not believe that I had told him that. That I had said it. It was almost as if it was a dream. So as we talked that morning on the computer I asked him if I did say it, and he said yes. By this time we were still like two kids afraid to really say it out loud and the messages were kinda like "Did I tell you that I blank you last night?" LOL. I think we were both a little scared. I know I for one was completely new to this whole internet dating thing. I had talked for several years to friends but never had I moved it more than that.

At the end of July we met in Charlotte for a weekend at Carowinds. What we originally booked was not what we got. The room we wanted was a two bedroom suite, with doors that shut of the bedrooms. The hotel was overbooked, but we still got a room that had one full bedroom with a door, and a bed in the living room. From the moment he walked into the hotel room I knew that the intenseness that I felt was still there. Once again we could not keep our hands to our selves. The weekend was just wonderful. Him Ryan and I had a blast. Once again, I watched him with my son, and saw how he fit. I questioned myself how someone that I had only seen physically twice could ever make me feel this way. I also knew that whatever happened in those coming months, we would always remain friends.

I am going to end this already long part on that note. The fact that we were such close friends. The fact that we knew that we loved each other. The fact that while we had only seen each other twice, what was inside was unmistakable. I said in a comment that I think I knew him at that first meeting better than I have ever known anyone in my life. That still stands true. We may not have spent enormous amounts of time in each others physical presence, but we spent so many hours on the phone that it is inconceivable. Seriously, if I was not on the phone with him, I was online with him. If I was not online with him then I was on the phone with him.

The next chapter will have a bit more TMI, and discuss our big breakup. Stay tuned.