This is what I am talking about...mood swings.

Yesterday, I wrote out that post, laid down and rested...not slept, just rested me, got up did a few chores and picked up Ryan. As soon as I saw his face, instantly I felt alive. I felt okay once I got up from laying down, but his smiling beaming face just bursting to tell me everything that had happened on the bus...soothed me.

I often say Ryan was my savior, and I truly believe that. He came at a time when my life was nothing but turmoil. He gave me the strength to do what I needed to do for us to survive...and each and every day since then he brings a joy to me that I cannot explain in simple words. A small hug, a little smile, a joke, even when he is being a little hellion, inside he makes me feel whole.

But what I mean about my mood swings...yesterday I felt like crap, then all of a sudden it went away. That is what happens, I feel down and depressed. I cry, I yell, I hate myself, and then it is like something snaps in me and I feel wonderful again. It comes less and less...I just want to get back to the point where I am me. Strong, confident, take on the world with one hand me.

We have everything done, but the little things for the wedding. Little things like favors and bridesmaids gifts are all that are left...and I for one am so glad. This planning shit has drove me crazy, and if the little that we had to do drove me bonkers I am sure if we were at a place that did not include everything I would have snapped all the way by now. But we have everything done, and the chapel is better.

S told you how she told us the place she was moving into was bigger and better and yada yada...we got there and instantly after walking into the actual chapel I felt tears well up. Complete disappointment. There was another couple there, and they were even more verbally upset than what we were. Our chapel went from being elegant and pretty, to being tackyish and just sad. Even her cake lady was disappointed in it, and because we were so bumfuzzled, she gave us an upgrade on our cake with no extra charge. It will be a four tier, with the columns and fountain and steps...it is so so pretty. Vanilla cake with strawberry filling...YUMMY. But still, it did not take away the fact that what we were promised is not what was being delivered. The chapel sucked, invites were already out, too late to change venues pretty much. We told her S would come back and pay the remaining amount the next day.

He didn't.

She called yesterday, wondering if she had missed our call, and then told S that she had made the change that was so needed, and for him to come and take a look. He did, sent me pictures and we both agreed, much better. See at first there was not a center isle, there was only an isle on the side, the left side, and on the right she had long 8 ft pews and was planning on putting little 4 ft park benches on the left. Because of our and the other couples suggestions, she cut the pews to 6 ft. and made a center isle. I am so happy...

I mean how was I going to tell four volatile parents they had to sit on 4 ft. pews and only two can sit in the front? Let me tell ya, it would not have been a pretty picture. You would have my very outspoken dad and sue, and my very alcoholic mom and Don, all fighting for rights to the front. I was not looking forward to it. But she changed it and all will be well.

The price includes all chapel decorations, photographer for wedding pics, and full reception from DJ to food to cake. We just had to pay a little extra for servers and for the flatware...which will be paper or plastic...lmao. Probably pretty plastic.

But all is done and today is bright.